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Hi and welcome to the Football funnies
compilation of football quotes. "Real Roy of the Rovers stuff!"
has become a famous football quote but now you can either browse through the
A to Z to pick out the funnier quotes and comments from players, managers,
pundits and commentators.
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- A
Armfield, Jimmy
"I'd like to have seen Tony Morley left on as a
down and out winger."
Aldridge, John
"It gets like this in Liverpool when
you're on the ferry and the sun reflects off the Mersey."
(On Orlando, Florida during
the mega-hot World Cup, 1994)
Anelka, Nicolas
"I know people say Ronaldo
is the best player in the world, but I think I'm the best."
Atkinson, Ron
"I never comment on referees and I'm not
going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." ...
B
Bassett, Dave
"Pierre {van Hooijdonk} says he wants to
offer us an olive branch. Good, because I can show him exactly where to stick it and
if you see him walking funny, you'll know where."
Beardsley, Peter (1994)
"I could have signed for Newcastle when
I was 17, but I decided I would be better off at Carlisle. I'd had a drink
that night."
Bellamy, Craig
"Arsenal are streets ahead
of everyone in this league and Manchester United are up there with them,
obviously."
Bond, John
"I have other irons in the fire, but
I'm keeping them close to my chest."
Brooking, Trevor
"Merseyside derbies
usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any
different."
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- C
Cascarino, Tony
"When I first arrived at Marseille, Bernard Tapie {then
the club's owner} said to me: 'I don't like Lee Chapman. I didn't like Mark
Hateley. I like players like Chris Waddle.' I thought, oh shit, what am I
doing here?"
Clough, Brian (on his young Forest side) :
"Acne is a bigger problem than
injuries."
Coleman, David
"And for those of you who are watching who haven't got
television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2."
Coleman, David
"Don't tell those coming in now the result of that
fantastic match. Now let's have another look at Italy's winning
goal."
Coleman, David
"If that had gone in, it would have been a goal."
- D
Davies, Barry
"Poland nil, England nil, though
England are now looking the better value for their nil."
Docherty, Tommy
"My Chairman at Aston Villa Doug Ellis,
said he was right behind me, so I told him I would rather have him in front of
me where I could see him."
Draper, Mark
"I'd like to play for an Italian club
like Barcelona."
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- E
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- F
Ferguson, Alex
"If we can play like that every week
we'll get some level of consistency."
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- G
Gray, Andy
"I was in Moldova airport and I went
into the duty free shop - and there wasn't a duty-free
shop."
Gubba, Tony
"It was one of the best goals I've
seen this Millennium."
Gubba, Tony
"What did you say to Souness after
the end of the final whistle."
H
Hall, Stuart
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will
you stay in football?"
Harford, Ray
(former Luton manager, after goalkeeper Les
Sealey was concussed in collision with an opponent)
"He still looks a bit dopey, but it's
hard to tell the difference with him."
Helm, John
"Real possession football this...and
Zico's lost it."
Higgins, Tony (1991)
"If we had Rugby Union's ten-metre rule
in our game, Willie Miller of Aberdeen would have played most of his football in
Norway."
Hristov, Georgi
"The girls are far uglier in Barnsley
than the ones in Skopje. They drink too much beer here."
I
J
Jones, Dave
(referring to Carlton Palmer after
Southampton's 4-1 defeat of Barnsley)
"We reckon Carlton covers every blade
of grass - but then you have to if your first touch is that crap."
Jones, Dave
"That's going to happen a
lot, teams will be at their most dangerous against us when we have the ball."
K
Keane, Roy
"The sending off? Well,
Jason McAteer would annoy anyone."
Keane, Roy
"It was an excellent
cross by Gary (Neville), I was surprised by the quality of
it."
Keegan, Kevin
"I'm not a person who
goes into a deep depression after a defeat."
[in his programme notes
for England's clash with Germany - October 2000].
Keegan, Kevin
"It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt
pocket. Every time there is a tackle up pop's a yellow
card."
Keegan, Kevin
"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve
Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a
bit different."
Keegan, Kevin
"The only thing I fear is missing an
open goal in front of the Kop. I would die if that were to happen. When they
start singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone' my eyes start to water. There have
been times when I've actually been crying while I've been playing".
Keegan, Kevin
"You're not just getting International
football, you're getting world football."
Keegan, Kevin
"I don't think there is anyone bigger or
smaller than Maradona."
Keegan, Kevin
"I've had an interest in
horse racing all my life, or longer really."
- L
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- M
Moore, Brian
"I wonder if Manchester United are
missing the absence of Bruce."
Moore, Brian
"They have won 66 games, and they've
scored in all of them." ...Brian Moore, [on Rosenborg]
Motson, John
"Gary Lineker has now scored 37
goals. That is precisely twice as many as last year."
Motson, John
"Whether that was a penalty or not,
the referee thought otherwise."
Motson, John
"For those of you watching in black
and white, Spurs are the ones in the yellow shirts."
McMahon, Steve (1991)
"I'd kick my own brother if necessary
... it's what being a professional footballer is all about."
McMenemy, Lawrie
"The last player to score a hat-trick
in a Cup Final was Stan Mortensen. He even had a final named
after him - the Matthews Final."
- N
Newbon, Gary
"More football in a moment - but
first highlights of the Scottish League Cup Final."
O
P
Paisley, Bob
"If you're in the penalty area and
don't know what to do with the ball, put it in the net and we'll discuss the
options later."
Paisley, Bob
"Still we've had the
hard times too - one year we finished second."
Pearce Jonathon
"Welcome to Bologna on Capital Gold
for England versus San Morino with Tennent's Pilsner, brewed
with Czechoslovakian yeast for that extra Pilsner taste and
England are one down."
Pleat, David
"Maradonna gets tremendous elevation with
his balls no matter what position he's in."
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- Q
R
Rush, Ian
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like
living in a foreign country."
- S
Shankly, Bill
"If a player is not interfering with
play or seeking to gain an advantage, then he should be."
Strachan, Gordon
"When he was carried off
at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue
- that's what he's always like." (on Saints player Claus Lundekvam)
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- U
V
Venables, Terry
"There are two ways of getting the ball.
One is from your own team mates, and that's the only way."
Venables, Terry
"If you can't stand the heat in the
dressing room, then get out of the kitchen."
Vialli, Gianluca
"You must be as strong in March, when the
fish are down."
[not quite getting his English clichés correct]
W
Welsby, Elton
"And now for the goals at Carrow Road
where it ended nil - nil."
Wenger, Arsene
"As long as no-one scored,
it was always going to be close."
Whiteside, Norman
"The only thing I have in common with
George Best is that we come from the same place ... play for the same club ...
and were discovered by the same man."
Wilkins, Ray
"The team {Peterborough United} must
try to get their ship back on the road."
Wilkins, Ray
"Jan Stejskal only knows three words
of English: "My Ball", "Away" and one
other."
Wilkinson, Howard
(after a one-all draw)
"If they hadn't scored, we would've
won"
Wilkinson, Howard
"I'm a firm believer that if the other
side scores first you have to score twice to win."
Withe, Peter
"It's the end of season curtain
raiser."
Worthington, Frank
"I had 11 clubs - 12 if you count
Stringfellows."
X
Y
Z
Zit (Football Magazine) (1993),
"Roy Race the fictional Melchester Rovers
heroic cardboard cut-out still has more personality than Trevor
Brooking."
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